Interesting Deaths

A while back, when I was working a Noodles & Company™, I had an interesting conversation with some of my coworkers that I would like to share with you. Yep, Y-O-U. Its about death. But specifically terrible deaths. ie: ways to die. The two that I personally thought were the most creative and well thought out came from Steven and Weston.

Scenario 1:

You are in the room. No doors. No windows. How did you get in here? It's irrelevant, so I'm not going to bother explaining how. After being in the room for just over an hour, you start noticing the ceiling isnt't quite as high as it was when you first got in the room. It's nearly a foot closer to you than it originally was. Seven hours go by, and at this point, you have been lying on the ground for quite sometime. The room isn't tall enough to be in any other position. Eventually you can feel the ceiling start to press up against the side of your cheek. Pressure builds and you can feel your cheek bones starting to crack. The ceiling is pressing so hard, but so slowly, it cracks your skull. But because it is going so slow you can still process thought and feel shards of your skull pressing up into your brain until you are rendered unconcious or dead.

Sounds awful. Thanks Steven.

Scenario 2:

This one is a little bit different. This one is more of a "How to..." on creating a horrific and bloody mess out of a suicide, also creating a little bit of a mystery for the detectives who work on your case.
Step one: Find a tall building with a roof or balcony that is easily accessible. (I recommend the balcony for reasons that I will address shortly. Also, not too high, 4th floor through 6th floor should be sufficient.. but keep in mind, this is just an idea, and has not (to my knowledge) been tested.)
Step two: Go to Lowe's or Home Depot and pick yourself up some razor wire and super glue. (Industrial strength on both, please.)
Step three: Using gloves and/or pliers, attach one end of the razor wire around the hand rail that goes around the balcony... You know what Im talking about. Be sure to leave your self some slack. You'll need it l8r.
Step four: Take the other end and wrap it around your neck. Be careful not to cut yourself. There are some major arteries in your neck and damaging one of those babies and bleeding out on the balcony of some high-end Las Vegas hotel would just be embarrassing for you, and everyone you are leaving behind.
Step five: Here is where the super glue comes into play and it all starts making a little bit of sense. Glue your hands to the side of your head.
Step six: Jump off the side of the balcony.

If everything happens according to plan, the razor wire should tighten up as gravity starts to pull your body downward. The razor wire should then slice right through your neck, severing your head from your body. Quick. Easy. Relatively painless (in theory). If you didn't listen and went with the cheaper, weaker razor wire you run the risk of it just snapping and you looking like a fool. Because your hands are glued to the side of your head, once you hit the ground, who ever finds you should see your dead body holding your own severed head!

Tasteless! I love it! Thanks Weston.

DISCLAIMER: I do not actually recommend suicide (especially this method) as a means to an end. This scenario is purely for fanticising and to get the gears of creativity moving in your mind.
Suicide=bad.


Feel free to leave your own ideas of terrible ways to go in the comment area.